Love.
Years pass.
Time scribbles notes in the margins of that thick and endless page.
Words may fade, but cannot be erased without an upheaval and shaking off of our skins that change us at our very core.
Even then. The eraser leaves dust. Evidence will always remain.
As such, I contemplate the evolution of what love meant then (and means now) in my life. I draw the parallel lines and I am comforted by the soothing, undeniable constants.
At five years old I saw the prince kiss Snow White as she lay still and cold, while her family watched and mourned their loss. Without any expectation or agenda, he expressed his love to a woman he believed lost to this world. He gave of himself as he said goodbye.
Offer your whole heart to me, even in the face of losing me and without promise of return.
At 31, I see love at the side of a hospital bed, never wavering in her faith that their life together is not over as long as she pushes on and carries him through his weakest moments.
Be my strength and faith when I've none of my own left.
At seven years old I smiled as Prince Eric couldn't shake the notion that his true love lived within this stranger who washed up to the shore of the seas he sailed. As he held onto this inexplicable faith that he would find her and that she was closer than he could possibly imagine. That his soul knew her soul so well that he cared for this woman and heard her song though she spoke no words.
Hear in my silence my soul singing to yours and have faith that I am still and will always remain me.
At 31 I see love at the side of a hospital bed, reading from her favorite books in a slow, patient tempo, relishing these last moments of a life together.
Love me until my very end.
At eight I watched Westley endlessly pursue Buttercup in order to rescue her from a man who could never love her as he did, however, putting her needs and desires first always, "as you wish" he says.
Believe that you are what I deserve but allow me my choice, no matter what, and know that I will do the same for you. Know that I will see the distance you traverse, and that I will save my heart for you.
At 31 I see love at the side of a hospital bed, smiling and laughing and exuding positivity when the room is bleak and he is weary.
Help me hold onto a smile, even when the pain and fear is overwhelming.
At 12 I watched Fiona turn away from a prince and the promise of a life of riches and physical beauty, to walk into the arms of the ogre who lives in a swamp. Love meaning so much more and holding so much more weight than all the superficial rewards of a life easily within her grasp.
Love me when I'm ugly and when it seems I have nothing to offer you, because my heart is worth the entire world when I offer it freely to you.
At 31 I see love at the side of a hospital bed, learning and listening and hearing and understanding the hard cold reality he cannot and making the choices for him she knows will be best for him, even when it isn't what she wants for herself.
Know what I need when I am unable to choose for myself, and have the unending strength to accept the choices you know I'd make if I had my own voice, even if the answers hurt.
At 25 I watched Hellboy toe the boundary of hell itself to bring Liz back, ready and willing to cross over if that's what it took to get her back home.
Fight through the fire for me, find me in the darkest depths to which I may be stolen to, be ready to sacrifice so that I may be restored.
At 31, I see love at the sides of hospital beds.
At 31, I can outline love for you. And I can promise you that what love means to me is everything that I promise to offer in turn to you.
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